A Mother's Response to Violence

I went to bed last night feeling a combination of heartsickness, anxiety, numbness, and hope. 

Probably like many of you, my initial response to yesterday's violence at the Boston Marathon was, "Are we not safe anywhere, doing anything?" After a moment of processing how unsafe the world is, then I thought, "All right, that settles it: a hermit's life it is. I'm never going anywhere again. At least I'm safe at home." Then my panicked mind turned to the craziness last fall in which someone stole my neighbor's truck, crashed it into our garage, and then fled on foot from the police. And then to my parents' fire last year. Consequently (logically, right?), I worry that I'm not even safe at home. Then the big guns come out: "What have I done? I've brought these innocent children into a world that is ugly, painful, and unsafe!" And it's all downhill from there.

Until I stop myself. Until I remind myself (or a friend reminds me) that these things are random. Until I remember that I already do my best to take the logical, rational steps to protect my children, and that is the best I can do.

Right? We do our best. We hope for the best. We have a little faith.

Well, that's a great start. Maybe that's Step 1. My perspective is that there's an important Step 2, which is the important work we do as parents to raise healthy, secure, and sturdy human beings. For me, that means that I continue to spread the word that birth matters, bonding matters, communication matters, education matters, empathy matters. How we treat our children matters. As the saying goes, hurt people hurt people. It stands to reason, then, that the fewer hurt people we have running around, the safer we are.

A step beyond that is the work we do as citizens of our country and world, to ensure that we heal those who are hurt and prevent future incidents like this. For me, this means turning off the news, which inadvertently (I hope) gives power to sick people who seek to go out in a blaze of glory. For me, doing my part as a citizen means to continue to look people in the eye, smile, give compliments, engage with people. It means buying coffee for the person behind me in line, so that they know--and my children know--that there are also random acts of kindness and goodness in the world. It means supporting other parents who have similar values, and creating a safe "village" for my children.

These things aren't earth-shattering, and they're certainly not my original ideas, but they are something. They're things we all can do.

What are you doing today to give love more power than fear in your life?

Ellis and Oliver "visiting" a baby in a restaurant over the weekend. We intentionally allow them to mingle sometimes in restaurants. Our dinners are sometimes less convenient, but it gives them permission to engage in the world.